A Kaylie Quickwrite

If you haven't read my first quickwrite introducing ten-year-old anorexic Kaylie at a science camp, you can find that here, but you don't have to read it if you don't want to...
I just felt like writing more (after more than a year. Oops.), but I hate the pressure of writing something and then editing it because when I've edited something I feel bad if there are mistakes because, you know, I edited it xD
For those of you who don't know, a quickwrite is just something I write and publish without ANY edits. Except random typos, of course.  Haha.
Anyhoo without further ado (what exactly is "ado" anyway) HERE I GO *inhales, exhale*

 Leaves crunching. Wind whistling. People chattering. Birds twittering. But Kaylie didn't hear a thing.

All she knew were stares. The hissed words of her peers were lost.

Hey, that's the girl they took away last night.

What’d she even do?

I dunno. But they kept her there all night.

            In little groups, the fifth graders shuffled into the dining hall, wide oak beams arching across the ceiling above their little heads. High school volunteers milled around, placing platters of breakfast foods on the tables.

            Kaylie slid into her cushioned seat, balancing her tailbone on the very edge of it, clenching her little fists under the white tablecloth.

            “That’s the girl who didn’t eat yesterday.” A brown-haired girl pointed at Kaylie, her lips pressed to a friend’s ear.

            Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Don’t eat. Not hungry. Don’t need food. Strong. I am strong. I am better than this. I can do it.

            Words ran through Kaylie’s mind like a mantra as she stared unblinkingly at her lap, appreciating the various different hues of blue of her jeans. Anything, anything to keep away from that horrid silver spoon on the table.

            But Kaylie’s willpower broke and her large hazel eyes swept to the eating utensil. There it was again. Her reflection. Disfigured, blurry, upside down, fat. Kaylie slowly drew her right hand from under the table, running a finger over her high, prominent cheekbones and down along her cheek, tracing her bony jaw.

            Fat. All of it. Round. Soft and warm and. Fat.

            Her stomach twitched, threatening to rumble and give her away, but Kaylie flexed her muscles the way she’d practiced, and the noise was stopped before it came. She knew that if her stomach rumbled, someone would notice and make her eat. No eating. That was the rule above all the rest.

            Haters, all of them--the nurse, the counselors, the teachers. She had a goal. She was going to reach it. No one could stop her.

            “Kaylie! You’re not eating?” The same young man, the camp head, from yesterday towered over her, a false smile plastered on his face. Hater.

            Very deliberately, Kaylie stretched across the table and grabbed a large platter of scrambled eggs, dumping a spoonful onto her plate, splattering grease across the previously clean porcelain. “I am.” She took a tiny bite of it, chewed more times than necessary, and the whole time, pinched her leg with her left hand still hidden under the table.

            “I am,” when she swallowed. She stared the man straight in the eyes, a sort of quiet challenge in her eyes. “See.” Another tiny bite. More pinching. She tried not to wince.

            “Well. Yes, I see that now.” The man smiled again, awkwardly, and waved to the table, moving along to the next group of students.

            The second the man left, Kaylie wanted to drop the spoon like it was poisonous, but she knew people were watching. Waiting. Judging.

            Little bit little, the lump of oily yellowness slid down Kaylie’s throat. Her nails grew tired from the pinching and her tongue hated every second of the eating. But by the time it was over, no one was paying attention anymore. Free.

            Kaylie stood abruptly the moment breakfast was declared to be over, running back to her cabin to change for the morning hike. She was all alone for maybe thirty seconds, and that was all it took. Several pairs of ankle weights wrapped all around her calves, baggy yoga pants concealing them fully.

            She was ready.



Thanks so much for reading! Please comment any feedback/suggestions below! :) Have a lovely day.

--Audrey